My kitchen table is full of 1,000 puzzle pieces. On the box is a picture of Notre Dame.

I know exactly how I am going to crack this puzzle: first the corners, then the edges and then fill in each area. The sky is the least fun part. I’ll save that for last.

Even with this step-by-step plan, I know that I am entering a search process that is anything but efficient.

We are in turbulent waters: there are immense issues at stake, with painful choices, conflicting interests, polarising relationships and unpredictable twists and turns. The end is not in sight.

If you take on a leadership role in such a situation, you know one thing for sure: you will be put to the test.

There is nothing wrong with a good discussion from time to time.

Yet we tend to discuss too much rather than too little. For example, in situations where the exchange of arguments is a foregone conclusion.

I will mention seven of these.

Sometimes two words are like a soppy couple. You always see them together and you can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.

Like with the words attitude and behaviour.

This closeness is a problem. Because attitude and behaviour are two different things that should not be confused.

There is quite a debate about why women earn less than men. And part of the explanation is sought in a difference in negotiating skills.

I have my own opinion about that.

Of course not.

Duh.

But sometimes it seems that we go to the other extreme. That we are not allowed to share our fears, because they might spread.

That can never be the intention.

The word division is quite an issue right now.

That is strange. As if a division is automatically a problem. It depends on what exactly we mean by it.

‘Cabinet must explain critical house of representatives evacuation from Afghanistan’

This is the first headline in my news feed this morning. A feeling of despondency overwhelms me.

Here we go again.

People who talk about change are rarely short of conversation material. But not every conversation about change leads to change.

We waste a lot of valuable time if we get stuck in abstractions, models, bullets and definitions. Then we lose ourselves in contemplation. Only the intellect is speaking, the feeling is on mute.

Sometimes two statements are both truisms, but these truisms may clash. As with these two:

“We need to be agile”

“We need evidence-based change”

Because when we think of agility, we think of fast change and when we think of evidence-based change, we think of thinking before we start.

Where can they meet after all?

Nothing feels better than helping.

But sometimes it is better not to help. After all, your help could also make things worse. Then you help out, only to sigh afterwards:

“I just wanted to help.”